Wednesday, October 4, 2023

Grief Therapeutic: Discovering Pleasure in Grief?


For we’ve shared many griefs, however they’re translated into natural love and rejoicing after we meet. ~ Would possibly Sarton

A reader writes: I’m studying a fantastic little guide Therapeutic After Loss via Martha Whitmore Hickman and I’ve a query for you. I’ve discovered this guide of day by day readings to be of significant convenience to me. It has helped me live to tell the tale sooner or later at a time. Just like the day by day guide readings, some days are higher than others. I to find that some readings are very tough for me to understand. Total, I will nonetheless suggest the guide, however it isn’t best possible! 

As an example, I’m via one explicit studying, which starts with a citation via Would possibly Sarton suggesting that after we to find anyone with whom we’ve shared grief we’re full of love and rejoicing.

What am I lacking right here??? Whilst I acquire convenience from sharing with others I can’t believe “rejoicing” about any person else’s grief/loss.

My reaction: In all probability it is simply the best way I’m decoding it, however I learn this to imply how we would possibly really feel if and after we are reunited with our family members who’ve died ~ whether or not this is in a dream, thru a imaginative and prescient or any other mystical enjoy, and even once we ourselves have died. It’s about keeping up the bonds we’ve with our family members and feeling the affection we proceed to percentage.

As an example, writer and bereaved mom Sandy Goodman (whose 18-year-old son Jason was once by accident killed when he was once electrocuted) writes in her Love By no means Dies E-newsletter:

My female friend informed me that there are individuals who would say that there’s something improper with me if she have been to inform them that I think pleasure after I call to mind Jason. She mentioned that they wouldn’t know the way I may just really feel excellent when I’ve misplaced my son. I say it is not about feeling excellent or feeling unhappy. It’s about figuring out that I’ve now not misplaced him. 

In the similar publication factor (Would possibly/June/July 2005), Sandy integrated this poem via Deb Kosmer of Oshkosh, Wisconsin, which might resonate with you. Says Sandy: “As you’re going to bet via what you’re feeling while you learn her poems, Deb has slightly of enjoy with loss. On account of that have, she may be a Bereavement Fortify Coordinator.” 


Hope like love is a 4 letter phrase.

While you died I used to be afraid

Your love went with you.

And I assumed hope had left me too.

I used to be by myself and in ache

Considering of you

Lacking you

Screaming for you

Then sooner or later I felt your love

And it was once such as you have been nonetheless right here

And hope returned, I felt it

And I knew it was once actual

Like your love for me

Was once nonetheless actual

I smiled figuring out

That our love survived

And knew that

I’d live to tell the tale.

Afterword: Thank you Marty – your interpretation makes excellent sense to me. I unquestionably would have a good time seeing/sensing my cherished as soon as once more. The quick article that I learn looked as if it would check with rejoicing with others who had additionally suffered a loss. In all probability it implied that the ones others had additionally felt a touch/presence with those they’d misplaced.

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© via Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, BC-TMH


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