Monday, September 25, 2023

One Hand Washes The Different – Motorcycle Snob NYC


Just right morning.

We’ve all had numerous laughs right here over time, nevertheless it’s necessary to forestall every so often and believe the fewer lucky amongst us. Imagine skilled bike owner Lachlan Morton, who has been compelled to adopt his outré exposure stunts staying power rides on a shitty disc brake Cannondale with a silly battery-powered derailleur:

Which he used to be compelled to shift with a spoke:

Like so:

So mainly a Campagnolo rod shifter:

In fact this isn’t the primary time Morton has been undone via his apparatus, and two years in the past he made headlines when his plastic cycling footwear began bothering him and so he rode the Excursion de France by myself whilst dressed in Birkenstocks:

The Fredly media retailers particularly had been astonished, as till then it used to be extensively thought to be unimaginable to journey a bicycle whilst dressed in sandals.

Anyway, given this, it’s tempting to consider the kinds of pointlessly tough heroic rides Morton would be capable to whole if simplest he had get right of entry to to right kind apparatus and no longer the throwaway crap his sponsors make him journey. That’s why I’m beginning a fundraising marketing campaign to shop for Lachlan Morton a good bicycle:

[Photo: Rivendell]

Just right for the entirety from Grand Excursion race banditing to transcontinental gravel slogs–and simply restored to complete capability in mins with simplest the contents of your Banana Sax:

[Photo: Rivendell]

With that motorbike, that bag, a multitool, some spare cables, and 2 respectable sandals, he received’t even want a sponsor anymore and he can ditch the SRAM-Pon motorbike endlessly:

[Once u-Pon a time these were different companies.]

So click on underneath and provides generously:


Talking of roadies in misery, it used to be simplest this previous spring that the Nationwide Biking League represented the “long run {of professional} biking:”

Smartly…perhaps no longer:

However the excellent news is a minimum of the riders who had been laid off need to alternative to “purchase fairness within the corporate:”

Now, I’m no businessman, however purchasing fairness in an organization so fucked that no longer simplest can’t it have enough money to pay your wage nevertheless it additionally wishes all of your apparatus again doesn’t look like a specifically shrewd monetary resolution. However I assume “You’re fired, are we able to have some cash?” doesn’t have the similar ring to it.

In any case, I don’t steadily open the mail bag right here at the weblog, but if I do you’ll make certain that it’s price your time and a spotlight:

Expensive Motorcycle Snob,

Since summer season started, I’ve been using via the underneath Victorinox advert, positioned down close to the south finish of the Nice Hipster Silk Highway, and questioning what use case it represents. The day gone by, I handed it on foot, so I ended to take a better glance and… I nonetheless don’t know. I believed that perhaps, along with your remarkable grab of the biking cultureways, you might be capable to inform me what’s happening right here.

Is it a mix can opener and chain device? A technique for prying a 12-speed chain from between the cogs of an 8-speed cassette? A brand new, experimental Rene Herse Ferdi Kübler-edition derailleur? I love Swiss Military knives, however to me they’re like WD-40: glorious issues with a large number of makes use of, few if any of which observe to bicycles. I feel I should be lacking one thing. Are you able to shed some gentle?

Lightlessly, your reader,


Originally, in regards to the so-called “Swiss Military Knife,” I might put forth that its uselessness is going well past bicycles. It’s simply an collection of awful gear that preys upon the absurd human fable that we would by some means to find ourselves in a state of affairs by which or lives rely on concurrently choosing our tooth, submitting our nails, and opening a bottle of wine. (And excellent good fortune opening that wine with that stubby-ass corkscrew.) As for what the hell the disembodied hand is doing to that motorbike, let’s take a better glance:

That is certainly a vexing thriller, however my very best wager is that the rider is the use of the bottle opener attachment (“I’m demise and I wish to open a bottle of Mexican Coke. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE???”) with a purpose to raise the chain onto a series hanger sooner than casting off the wheel:

In fact I will’t make sure, however I love this idea as a result of, like a Swiss Military Knife, a series hanger is one thing that turns out like a really perfect concept however that you simply by no means in reality use. Like, I do know a minimum of a few of my motorcycles have a series hanger, however I couldn’t start to let you know what number of as a result of I by no means in reality use it–even the garments hook in THE CAR THAT I OWN turns out indispensable compared. So, given the vested hobby the Swiss have in perpetuating the false perception that their eponymous Military Knife is one thing you will have with you all the time, in addition to their well-documented propensity for protecting their fingers blank [see: numbered bank accounts, money laundering, etc.], I posit that the disembodied hand is placing a series on a series hanger with a Swiss Military Knife while averting sullying itself with chain filth.

However I’m open to different concepts.


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